It was dark in the cellar, but I had no choice. That’s where the object of my extreme misery stood. It had been hours since I noticed that we had no hot water. So, here I was, standing on the cold, concrete floor staring at the large, white cylinder formerly filled with hot water. Something was obviously wrong, but what. I could hear the wind whistling outside on this cold, February night. But I had to go on, because we needed that hot water. I had exhausted all other possibilities. Just an hour ago, in desperation, I had picked up the Yellow Pages, searching and seeking out a plumber. But all the ads looked alike. They were a sea of black and yellow and color-filled words screaming their clichés at me, as if to add a note of stress and frustration to an already gloomy situation.

“Quality, Low-Cost, Reliable,” they declared. Another read, “Emergencies!” A large full page had a picture of a truck and said, “Here Today!” It was confusing and filled me with anxiety. Page after page blended into a morass of meaningless words and images. Finally, I was forced to close the book and grab my trusty flashlight. So, here I was, facing the dead water heater, alone, scared, and without hope.

But wait. Someone or more precisely, something, is coming down the steps. It is getting closer. I raise my light and see this apparition, in the shape of a giant phone book with skinny little legs. He’s yelling something toward me.

I hear, “Don’t panic. I’m here to help. I’m carrying a great ad with a terrific message,”he implores. As he moves toward me, it’s open to a page that reads, “You May Not Need a New Water Heater & Here’s Why!”

It’s a ray of sunshine in my darkened world. I am drawn to this ad and memorize the phone number. Jumping up the stairs, two steps at a time, I reach the light of the kitchen, find the phone, and begin to dial. Minutes later, I am promised a service call and start to relax a little. As a smile creeps back across my face, the mystery character that has followed me upstairs tells me he is Wolley Segap and I thank him for saving my fate of future cold water days. The end… or is it?

This little story was designed to serve a purpose and illustrate the need for effective advertising. So, attention business people: Is your Yellow Page ad doing its job? If not, let this serve as your wake-up call. I’ve witnessed many companies that thought they had an ad that worked, while, in reality, it had a flawed headline, lousy copy, or pathetic artwork. How do I know?

I was a YP rep and consultant for nearly 25 years and, prior to that, had my own advertising agency. I also have a degree in marketing. I’ve been designing Yellow Page ads for the past three decades. So I have expertise in YP creation and have advised almost 7000 companies on how to put together the most effective YP ads. If you have a display or in-column ad, regardless of size, color or position, I can tell you it most probably needs improvement in the headline, artwork, body text, placement, book, or heading. You must understand the ROI or return on investment and learn how to track the results as well.