It was one of those hot August nights. The type Neil Diamond used to write about in the sixties. Sweltering and breezeless, it came creeping into the house like a heat stroke. The air conditioner had been out of commission since this morning, and the afternoon sun was baking me, even while I sat in my boxer shorts in the kitchen. I had checked all the usual suspects; the thermostat, the fuses, the air filter and the coils. But I had an inactive system that just sat there in utter silence. The interior temperature was climbing at an alarming rate and I was wilting under the pressure.

The trip through the pages of the local phone directory had prove fruitless. The assortment of large ads with photos of service trucks proclaiming “Immediate Service,” A/C Specialists,” and Heating & Cooling Pros” left me cold, or was it hot? I was so exhausted, I could even think straight anymore. The perspiration was pouring off me like a continuous shower and even the curtains were drooping.

I could swear I saw steam coming off the countertop, but it was actually a gently mist or fog. And out of that vapor appeared a strange, book-shaped, character that stood on spindly feet and made me jump a foot in the air. Before I could say a word, he, or was it a she, smiled and said, “I’m here to help. Take a peek inside,” and “it” opened itself up to reveal a large Yellow Page ad. The headline read, “We Have Servicemen in Your Neighbor Every Hour.” I couldn’t believe my blurry, bloodshot eyes. I made a leap past the apparition to clutch the phone and promptly dialed the number. Seconds later, I was told a man could be over within the hour. I smiled for the first time that day and the thing smiled back. It turned to leave and said, “Just remember that Wolley Segap came to your rescue,” and it zipped out the open window. The end… or is it?

This little story was designed to serve a purpose and illustrate the need for effective advertising. So, attention business people: Is your Yellow Page ad doing its job? If not, let this serve as your wake-up call. I’ve witnessed many companies that thought they had an ad that worked, while, in reality, it had a flawed headline, lousy copy, or pathetic artwork. How do I know?

I was a YP rep and consultant for nearly 25 years and, prior to that, had my own advertising agency. I also have a degree in marketing. I’ve been designing Yellow Page ads for the past three decades. So I have expertise in YP creation and have advised almost 7000 companies on how to put together the most effective YP ads. If you have a display or in-column ad, regardless of size, color or position, I can tell you it most probably needs improvement in the headline, artwork, body text, placement, book, or heading. You must understand the ROI or return on investment and learn how to track the results as well.

So consider getting some expert advice before you place your next ad. There are many good and inexpensive places to turn, some available on the internet. Make sure the consultant is well qualified with at least 25 years experience. Otherwise, you’ll be wasting your own time and money. Then, hopefully, you wont’ really need Wolley Segap coming to the rescue after all.